Busyness

It has been kindof a crazy week - or two - here in the Land of Kimness. What have I even been doing? I can't remember.

My cousin Sarah came to visit Wednesday night & Thursday of this week to shadow me and my sister at our jobs and ask us questions about college, majors, jobs, etc. She's going to be a Carolina freshman in one week! I'm so excited for her, and hoping to relive college a little bit through her :). I'm already planning on helping with her move-in to Craige North next Saturday. We already told her to go ahead and forget about going to basketball games this year and give all her tickets to us... you think she'll go for it?

I'm trying to figure out the best schedule for myself again, for work, working out, cooking, seeing friends & Wade, etc. I used to work out in the morning (several years ago) and worked 9:30-6:30 at the Girl Scouts. Then I hit a wall where I couldn't get myself up at 5:30 a.m. to work out anymore, so I shifted my work hours to 8-5 and worked out in the evening. The bad part of that is having to take 2 showers a day and being tempted to skip working out after a long day at work or if other fun plans came up (although I'm also tempted to skip working out at 5:30 a.m. too!).

Now my hours at the church are 8:30-5, so if I can manage to get up at 5:30 and work out, I'll have the WHOLE evening from 5:00 on to do anything I want! I can come home, take Paisley out to run around, water my plants, chat with neighbors, cook a whole dinner and still eat at a reasonable time! That concept is lovely to me. It does, however, mean getting to bed at 10 p.m., which is hard to stick to. I only managed to do it twice this week, but I'm going to keep trying.

And for anyone who wondered whether it's true... it is. Not having a mom leaves a huge void in your life and heart. It's this need that you know will never be fulfilled again. Like one third of my soul is gone or something. It's been more than a month now, and the time has just passed me by somehow.

I don't know how I'm grieving exactly, other than crying in the car when I'm driving somewhere and talking about it with friends. I would like to journal more, but haven't carved out the time yet. It's really hard to work at all the relationships that are now my responsibility to maintain, instead of mom's. It's like the hub of the wheel is gone and I have to make sure all the spokes are still connecting and holding together. It honestly feels like I'm still waiting for her to come back. I'm not trying to be in denial - it just hasn't computed all the way yet. And I have to trust that that's in God timing, not mine. Plus I don't know what it looks like to feel that way anyway.