Bachelor Brad - the final 6

Well, I’ve been a little bit slack about blogging for the last week…sorry about that. I don’t know if I have it in me to recap both of the last two weeks of The Bachelor, but I can’t believe we’re already down to four and hometown dates are next week! I wasn’t too sad that Brad got rid of Jade last week, definitely didn’t mind him letting McCarten go, and I kindof liked Stephy, but oh well.

This week, the superlative was THE MOST DRAMATIC EXIT IN BACHELOR HISTORY, WHEN HILARY LEAVES THE SHOW AND THE TEARS DON’T STOP! Oh my gosh, I really don’t see how Chris Harrison can blatantly lie every week saying stuff like that. This was so NOT the most dramatic exit in Bachelor history. Sure, Hilary got really upset, but there have been others with way more drama in other seasons…the nutso girl who came back after Jessie Palmer rejected her and broke in on his date with another girl…the doctor girl who told Travis Stork she was ready to procreate because her eggs were rotting…crazy Erica on Prince Lorenzo’s season – hello, that girl was the definition of drama. But nevertheless, Hilary’s exit is now deemed the most dramatic in Bachelor history.

This week, for the 6 girls remaining, there are 2 individual dates and a group date. The first individual date goes to…Bettina! She and Brad are going on a gondola ride, which the other girls inform her means that they have to kiss when they go under bridges. It’s so weird how this whole process works…they’re all competing for this guy and talking about how other girls are dating their boyfriend, but then they’re also acting excited and helping each other get ready for dates with, supposedly, their own boyfriend.

On Bettina’s date, she supposedly LAYS IT ALL ON THE LINE, but again, that phrase pretty much has no actual meaning when Chris Harrison utters it. She told Brad this is like her second date since her divorce, and she tells him – shocker – that she, too, wants to fall in love and get married. He’s like, oh my gosh you’re the only person I’ve ever met that feels the same way as I do…NOT. The other girls back at the house confide to the camera and each other that Bettina is still viewing this as a competition. What kind of reason is that? Oh yes, the WRONG REASON. I don’t dislike Bettina, but I’m just not feeling the chemistry between her and Brad. Even with all her “be patient with me and take it slow,” I don’t see it as much as I did with Tessa and Andy last season. They didn’t even kiss on the lips when they went under the bridges, and their body language was very awkward and guarded still. She may or may not make it to the final 3, but I don’t see him choosing her at the end.

The 4-on-1 group date is a pool party at “Brad’s house” (aka, the mansion The Bachelor producers rented out for 8 weeks and let him stay in). Attendees are DeAnna, Jenni, Kristy and Hilary. Poor Kristy, she is just not a fun girl, and no amount of tearful begging is going to make her appear to be fun to Brad. “Please, please, I don’t want you to get the wrong impression… Just because I am completely insecure and embarrassed by acting silly and I don’t participate in the slip ‘n slide or any pool games and I just sit on the dry concrete, leaning back so that my stomach doesn’t roll, I don’t want you to think I’m not fun!” Oh, of course not, I didn’t get that impression at all (eyeroll) – Brad.

Hilary continues her obsession with Brad – not with tears this time, but with expletives and a bleeped-out list of X-rated things she wants Brad to do to her. Wow, Hilary. Too bad while she’s thinking of him as “not just my friend, but also my lover,” Brad is thinking he really ain’t feeling it with her and they’re just good friends. He sortof tries to tell her this while they are semi-naked on a raft, but in a completely vague and twisted way that she just hears the way she wants to hear it, which is “I like you the best out of all the girls and we have something different and special,” and she can tell by the way he looks at her that he feels the same way she does. She’s in for a big disappointment.

Brad has his one-on-one time with DeAnna on some lounge chairs that are set apart, but still in full view of the other girls. Ha – sucks for you DeAnna. No hanky panky this time! They both tell the camera that they want to kiss each other but won’t do it in front of the other girls, so they sortof just sit there awkwardly and pat each other’s arms for a while. Brad made it sound like he wanted to kiss DeAnna for the first time, but they actually made out in the hot tub last week after dismissing Jade. I think Brad is attracted to DeAnna, but again I don’t really see tons of chemistry. And her voice still annoys me.

Who knew Jenni would be the smart one – taking Brad away to a private hammock for their one-on-one time? Smooth move. They spent the time…well…making out. Maybe they talked too, but the producers didn’t show us that. I just think Brad and Jenni have so much more chemistry together than he has with any of the others. A bar owner and a cheerleader…what could be more perfect than that?

Finally, Sheena gets the other individual date because twin Chad was in love with her, and it is one of those you-have-to-guess-what-to-wear-because-we-won’t-tell-you-where-you’re-going events. She gets all dolled up, and then Brad takes her to another big mansion so she can pick out a dress from the mannequins the producers have set up and change clothes. If only she had known, she could’ve started out in sweatpants. Personally, I didn’t think any of the mannequin dresses were any better than the one she already had on, but oh it was SO romantic! Wade, I hope you’re taking notes ;-). Just kidding. But seriously… After they change clothes, Brad and Sheena go out to a dinner scene set up on the balcony covered in white and silver balloons. Now that really is romantic, I must say. It kindof makes it look like floating in the clouds – ahhh… So pretty. They have a pretty good conversation over dinner I think. I can’t remember much about it, but I think they talked about a few things of substance and not how this experience is amazing and they never thought they’d feel this way about another person.

At the rose ceremony, the girls are on edge and Brad has to make the next most important decision of his life. Hilary says she loves her dress and hopes it reminds him of how good she’ll look in a wedding dress. Yeah, that’s how GIRLS’ minds work…NOT guys’ minds. Jenni calls Bettina out on her comment that her date was lame and boring after Sheena described the magic of the dress and balloons date. Bettina’s defense that she was just joking is far too defensive itself – methinks she just got caught and doth protest too much.

The first 3 roses go to DeAnna, Jenni and Sheena, and then after “ladies, Brad, the final rose tonight…when you’re ready,” Brad gives said rose #4 to Bettina and gets rid of Stick in the Mud Kristy and X-Rated Friend Hilary. Hilary tears up but keeps it together somewhat to hug him goodbye, but when she gets outside to the rejection confessional, the makeup starts running and the bosom starts heaving and she just can’t understand why Bettina is inside with Brad and she is outside alone. Honey, you didn’t listen to him when he told you point blank that you were “too good of friends” – i.e. too good of friends to turn into anything more. I so sowwy.

Yippee for hometown dates next week! That means there are only a few weeks til the finale so we can find out which girl he chose to never make it in a lasting relationship with. Cheers!

Praise the Lord!

Today we got great news about my mom's cancer... Her latest scan showed all the spots in her abdomen were gone and the bigger one in her pelvis stayed the same size as 2.5 months ago! I cannot even express how beautifully and gracefully God's hand has worked in her and through her and around her. She is absolutely His instrument and a really amazing picture to me of the sacrificial love of Christ, that she would see her own affliction as an opportunity to minister to others and be a light proclaiming the Lord's salvation in this world.

He has put people in her path like the store clerk at Belk's who was ringing her up the day she went to return a bunch of clothes she had just bought when she believed she wouldn't live long enough to wear them. The lady asked her reason for returning them and my mom said "you don't want to know" - but God led the conversation deeper and used my mom to comfort and encourage this woman, who it turned out was struggling with her own husband's recent cancer diagnosis. He has used her in the life of her neighbor, a younger mother with school-aged children, who has been re-awakened to spiritual things as a result of talking to my mom and is seeking to find the Truth, though she doesn't know what that Truth is yet.

Doctors and nurses have seen my mom's faith and trust in her heavenly Father constantly, and have seen Him sustain her body through surgeries and chemo treatments and radiation and side effects and growing tumors, not to mention the countless scans and needle sticks and bowel-clearing regimens she has endured.

My dad has been right by her side through all of this as well, seeing it up closer than anyone besides my mom and God Himself. I know Christ is at work in him too, because no other power would give him the strength and love he has shown my mom and our family. It is mind-boggling to me how big my mom's faith is, to be willing to endure all this and perhaps ultimately give her life that others would see and believe Jesus and be saved.

Praise the Lord, indeed!

Wheelbarrow

I had an interesting day at the office today. It began at 6:55 when I was actually still in bed, but my boss called my cell phone to tell me that there had been a break-in at the council last night and somebody tried to steal my computer monitor and keyboard. A guy threw a rock through the glass front door, passed over Janet's cube (you would understand if you saw Janet's cube) and then mine is the next one he comes to. So he just yanks the monitor and keyboard, ripping the cords in half in the process and starts to take off. Extremely fortunately, a Girl Scout volunteer happened to arrive at that moment to drop something off in our drop-box, she made eye contact with the thief, he dropped the loot and got in his van, and she and her husband chased him down Independence Blvd to get his license plate number (stolen plate on a stolen van). The cops got there and dusted for fingerprints and collected blood evidence because he apparently cut himself coming through the broken glass.

After Katherine tells me this, I get up and get in the shower and start thinking, "Ok, when they dust my monitor for fingerprints, of course they're going to find mine. So if they question me, do I have an alibi? Yes, I was home at 11:30 last night and Jocelyn was here, so she can vouch for me. Also, why would I break into my own office to steal my own computer when I have a key?" Haha, my mind is a strange machine.

So when I get to the office, my monitor and keyboard are still intact and not cracked or smashed, but the keyboard doesn't seem to work, and when we turn off the computer to reboot, it won't turn back on again. So no computer for little Kimmie today. Not to worry - half the day is going to be taken up by a staff meeting slash FISH team event. I have to say, our staff meetings are quite long and often a little hokey, but I bet they're a lot better than a lot of people's.

And here's the real point of my story... during the FISH team event, we did this activity where we tried to see how many little words we could make out of the word WHEELBARROW. I won the game with 54 in the allotted time, but afterwards I couldn't stop looking at my paper and seeing more words, and since I didn't have a computer to go back and work on, I just kept going. By the time I got tired of it, I came up with 113 words you can make out of the word WHEELBARROW.

he row lob roe leer ne'er beer hear brawl
we bar bah hew reel were hole howl baler
or eel bow ewe real whoa brew arrow whaler
eh rob ole hoe bore bawl alee wheel abler
oh war oar lee hoar oral bowl blear barrel
ah low are bee blew ware awol whale harbor
lo wow ere raw blow brow boho elbow hebrew
ew lab err how wale hero hale rebel harrow
be orb woe heel able hobo brae whole warble
ha haw ear boar bale halo rear whorl
ow wee ore heal role robe rare whore
ab ale awl lear whew bare lore below
aw web law we're blah bear wore bowel

heck yeah, baby...i was pretty proud of myself.

Bachelor Brad redux (October 8th episode)

Let me start out with a few quotes from the first date this week:
"Oh, it's big!"
"She's got a good grip on that."
"I got to pet the elephant."

No, no, no...get your mind out of the gutter. It was a GROUP date to the CIRCUS! Jenni said, "There are no words for it," and I was thinking, of course there are words for it! Fun, entertaining, colorful, loud, goofy, magical, tricky...tons of words for the circus. But I don't want to be too hard on Jenni - I actually like her. I like that she didn't tell the other girls that Brad kissed her. I like that she asked him about a real life situation that would come up if he ends up picking her - that she's committed to her job in Phoenix - and she's not willing to drop all that immediately to move to wherever he is. I like that she doesn't just want to be "the last girl standing" but the girl he falls in love with. She may be a little cheerleaderish (I mean, she IS basically a cheerleader), and that brown strapless velour jumpsuit was a little strange, but I think she's cute.

Brad also had a pretty good one-on-one time with Stephy. She seemed pretty normal and cute. Her longest relationship was in high school and she's been single for 5 years - a girl after my own heart. She may be another pick of mine to go farther.

Lindsey - don't like her accent. DeAnna - don't like her voice or the way her name is pronounced dee-AH-nuh. McCarten - ugh, smug high school biotch. The other girl on the date I don't know anything about, but I think her name is Sarah.

Cut to the girls back at the house and Hilary finds out she got the one-on-one date! And they do a redux of the Pretty Woman-esque date they did in a previous season (I can't remember who they did that with at the moment). She doesn't wear red, but Hilary gets $1 million worth of jewelry to wear, and they take a private plane (taking a limo and then walking out to it on the tarmac) and even go to San Francisco, same place where Edward and Vivian went to the opera in my favorite movie. I'd rate Hilary's performance about a 7 - she did pretty well, but WAY too overemotional with all the tears. What the heck, it's basically your FIRST real date with this guy. You cannot be in love with him yet.

On the other hand, I love that he told her she looked even more beautiful after she'd been crying, and then I loved them making ice cream sundaes at the Ghiradelli place. I have to say this though, what I don't get is the girls who say " I didn't expect this. I didn't expect to fall in love. I didn't expect to meet such a great guy and have these feelings." Why did you come on the show? Isn't that exactly what you were expecting?

Second group date...sailboating. Kristy tried a little too hard to show him her fun side, but she's still a little more real than some of the other girls, so he should keep her for a while. Solisa gives Brad a lap dance: "I went over and started shaking my butt really fast because it's the only thing I know how to do." Again, classy.

Bettina - dang girl, can you let me in on the secret to your leg workout? I think she threw Brad a bit with the divorce thing, but I'd still put money on her staying for a while. Jade - don't like her - another witchy girl. Sheena - eh, I could take her or leave her.

Then, this week's cocktail party slash rose ceremony with...not just Brad...but CHAD! Yes, that's right, the bachelor brings in his married twin brother to try to figure out which girls actually care about him and will be able to tell the difference in the imposter. I have to take back my previous evaluation of this plan - it was actually possibly a pretty good idea, because if a girl can't tell the difference, she obviously (1) isn't that smart, (2) isn't paying that much attention to you, (3) only sees a random hot guy when she looks at you. Brad says Chad will be able to go in there and immediately know who is in it for Brad and who's right for him and not. Sucks for Brad that he can't tell that for himself!

So at the cocktail party...McCarten is a little awkward, but doesn't catch on to the fauxBrad. Lindsey also doesn't figure it out, but also asks him how long he wants to be engaged for...ummm, cause that's super important at this stage of the game. Kristy knows right away even as Chad walks up to her - good job girl - major points. Bettina, Jenni, Sheena, DeAnna & Stephy figure it out pretty quickly. Sarah - clueless. We didn't get to see how Jenni, Hilary, Jade or Solisa reacted to the surprise.

So Brad ends up getting rid of Lindsey, Sarah and Solisa (aka Morticia Addams). Thank goodness. I loved the way he had a little nervous smile when he called Jenni's name and they both giggled. She's going all the way, baby! Lindsey, in her final camera interview says "you think you love someone and you're gonna spend the rest of your life with him..." - WTF?

And now, I will leave you with Solisa's parting words, which are so fitting: "He did see the very special parts of me because I wear those special parts on the outside. So, it's just that those special parts weren't parts that he was looking for, unfortunately." Yeah, we all saw your "special parts" Solisa...when you used them as a shot glass and went skinny dipping and put them all up in Brad's face with your lap dance. Say it with me folks...classy.

100 things about me

What can I say? I'm a follower. Here is my list of 100 things since everyone else is doing it...

1. My boyfriend Wade and I met at a country line dancing bar (Coyote Joe’s).
2. I can say the alphabet backwards (quickly).
3. I can write backwards (as in mirror-image) also pretty quickly.
4. I got a 1530 on the SAT (perfect score on verbal) and I’m proud of that.
5. I’m the third generation in my family working at the Girl Scouts – my grandmother was executive director here, and my mom worked here for a while too.
6. I’m proud of the fact that I bought my own condo at age 24.
7. I am very cheap (a quality I got from my dad).
8. I almost always sleep in a tank top and pants – I can’t stand having my bare legs touch each other at night.
9. I was really imaginative as a child and loved naming and renaming my dolls and writing stories with lots of characters so I could name them all.
10. I had my first kiss when I was 20 years old.
11. My longest relationship to this point was in 6th grade – for 8 months and 2 days.
12. I am a grammar freak and love editing papers.
13. My nickname for a while in middle school was Saturn because of my head gear.
14. I busted my chin open when I was 2 and had to be strapped down in a papoose for them to put stitches in it.
15. My dog is named after Brad Paisley, the country singer.
16. I’ve never been drunk.
17. I’m the only person in my family to have lived on South Campus at UNC out of my mom, sister, 2 aunts, an uncle and a cousin.
18. My favorite color to wear is brown.
19. I floss my teeth every night.
20. I have difficulty moderating my sugar intake because I am addicted to it.
21. I eat the same breakfast every morning – fruit, with ½ cup of Weight Watchers Flakes & Fiber cereal, 2 T. grape nuts, and skim milk – and I never get tired of it.
22. My favorite meal is my mom’s chicken pot pie.
23. I got a personal trainer at the gym because I was too much of a sucker to say no, but I’m really glad I did it now.
24. I hate calling people, except for a select few that I don’t have a problem with, and I will put off making minor phone calls for ages.
25. I started feeding my dog organic dog food when I got really freaked out about the ingredients of commercial dog food.
26. I didn’t have cable for 6 months when I first moved into my condo and only got ABC and FOX with my rabbit ears.
27. I’ve been rear-ended in my car at least 5 times.
28. I’ve never taken my car to a car wash (I’ve only washed it myself – progressively less often over the years!).
29. My middle name is Dale, after my mom’s best friend at the time.
30. I was born on Flag Day, 12 days late.
31. I absolutely love country music, but I didn’t start listening to it until junior year of college.
32. I became a graphic designer in part because of my experience on the yearbook staff in high school.
33. One of my high school Spanish teachers called me Clavelita (little answer key), because she called my sister Clave (answer key) before me.
34. I have a hard time signing my full name (Kimberly) because I’m not used to writing the whole thing in cursive. Signing the closing papers for my condo was a nightmare!
35. 100 things is a whole lot to come up with and I’m only on 35!
36. I loved reading Nancy Drew and Babysitters Club books when I was younger.
37. I stopped reading for pleasure when I got to high school, but I’m trying to be a person who reads again because I think it would make me more interesting.
38. I’m terrible at keeping plants alive because I forget to water them.
39. I don’t forget to feed my dog, however.
40. I get really excited watching good ballroom dancers and am so jealous of them.
41. My mom used to make matching outfits for me and my Cabbage Patch kids, including a Brownie Girl Scout uniform.
42. My best friend in elementary school was Eliz Empie – we met when I was 6 and she was 4.
43. I didn’t get my ears pierced until after my freshman year of college.
44. One of my pet peeves is windshield wipers going too fast for the speed of the rain.
45. I never use my back patio, but I totally should.
46. I don’t keep my house as clean as people probably think I do (but I wish I did).
47. I’ve watched the soap opera All My Children off and on since the summer after 6th grade.
48. I can quote the entire movie Pretty Woman (ok, you already knew that!).
49. I prefer the toilet paper comes over the top of the roll instead of under it – and I will change the roll if it is on the opposite way.
50. Another pet peeve is people leaving the toilet lid up – hello, you won’t drop your toothbrush in there if you just close it.
51. I keep my CDs organized by genre right now, but I’ve experimented with alphabetizing, order of purchase, favorites, etc.
52. I used to want to be a teacher, but now I don’t think I’d be a very good one.
53. I love re-reading my old journals, and a lot of times I had really profound things to say!
54. I’m proud of the fact that I drive a stick shift.
55. My favorite part of my job is getting shiny, slick printed materials back from the printer that I’ve designed and building my portfolio.
56. My other favorite part of my job is the ridiculous amount of vacation I get.
57. I will skip church to watch the Wimbledon men’s championship match.
58. I’d rather watch a sporting event on TV than go to it most of the time (because you can see the action so much better and you can take a break to do laundry in the middle).
59. I used to want to raise my kids speaking Spanish and English from birth. I still think it would be a good idea, but I don’t think it’s gonna happen.
60. I had the same roommate all 4 years in college (plus an additional 4 roommates senior year).
61. My nickname Kitchen Kim refers to the all-business, semi-stressed, perfectionist persona I get when cooking for big groups or special events.
62. My pin number for my check card is the last 4 digits of my high school crush’s phone number…don’t you dare try to track that down.
63. My hairdresser Vickie started cutting my hair when I was 5, so I love catching up with her when I go.
64. I am really encouraged by words of praise, especially for my design work, my cooking, or my appearance.
65. I love giving head rubs.
66. I like my feet.
67. I love buying new placemats.
68. I’m kindof compulsive about shopping for clothes, so I don’t even let myself browse around unless I haven’t been shopping in a long time and I have a few hundred dollars to spend.
69. My college roommates made fun of me for wearing white underwear, so I try to branch out into colors (but they’re so impractical if you want to wear light-colored pants).
70. I never had Nintendo when I was growing up, but I played Super Mario Brothers at Eliz’s house when I got the chance.
71. I go to the same seafood restaurant at the beach with my family every year and get the grilled chicken.
72. My favorite season is fall – my least favorite is winter, except that I love the holidays.
73. I danced in a cage at the Spanish Galleon in Myrtle Beach once.
74. I used to only want to have girl children because I didn’t think I’d know how to raise a boy.
75. I hate it when other people get “the edge” – they get ready for bed faster than I do and get the chance to fall asleep before I do – mostly in group sleeping situations like camp, sleepovers, retreats, etc.
76. The first CD I ever bought was Michael Bolton (I still have it and listen to it once in a blue moon).
77. I only check my (snail) mail about once a week, but I check my email countless times a day.
78. I checked my email after writing #77.
79. I get road rage pretty often.
80. I hate it when drivers honk at me when I’m out running, but I still get a little disappointed if I go for a whole run and get no honks.
81. I once tripped and face-planted while running along Providence Road near Fairview at about 5:30 p.m. when all the traffic is backed up at that light. A guy yelled to me from his car, “Don’t worry, nobody saw that!”
82. I had a crush on just about every guy I met when I first went to college.
83. I got asked out while working out twice one summer (once by a stranger driving down Carmel Road where I was running; the other time by a guy at the gym who I hadn’t seen since 2nd grade).
84. I prefer shave cream to shave gel.
85. I’ve used Thermasilk shampoo and conditioner for a really long time, but I’m afraid they don’t make it anymore because I can’t find it anywhere.
86. I drink milk past the date if it doesn’t smell or taste funny…same with eggs, yogurt, cheese, sour cream, etc.
87. I’m very reluctant to take medicine when I have a headache, but I don’t really know why.
88. My perfect sleep schedule would be 11 p.m. to 7 a.m. every night – I think.
89. I have a fear of getting trapped underwater, under a large object like a boat, to where I couldn’t push it off of me to get air.
90. I know almost all my extended family’s birthdays and a large number of my friends’.
91. I don’t remember anything about the house I lived in up to age 4.
92. My best friend in middle school was named Ayeza Nxumalo – she was from Swaziland, in southern Africa.
93. We had a joint birthday party for our 12th birthdays, and it was co-ed and supposed to be a pool party (except it rained), and we thought we were so cool.
94. I get more tired walking slowly and aimlessly than at a brisk pace on a mission.
95. I always go to the produce section first when I go grocery shopping, and almost always the milk section last.
96. I use the self-checkout lanes whenever possible because I like bagging groceries the way I like and not having to talk to the cashier.
97. My goal in life is to go to a beach with clear ocean water.
98. I was once asked by a co-worker to be her life coach with regard to budgeting, eating habits, exercise, etc.
99. I am very particular about the way a dishwasher is loaded and dishes are done.
100. I’m going home now because I just stayed 30 minutes late at work to finish this list.

Bachelor Brad Highlights from October 1st

Some observations from this week's show:

-The first group date is at a horse race. Brad gives the girls cash to bet because “you can tell a lot about someone by the way they bet.” Sure, especially when it’s 10 bucks and it’s not even their money.

-Brad asks the guy from the San Diego Chargers in the next box (a guy he’s never met) for his impressions of the girls (after meeting them for 2 seconds)…um, that’s really helpful and valid. Definitely base your decision on that.

-McCarten kisses Brad totally randomly and out of left field while he’s mid-sentence talking to her…and he wipes it off and cracks up later talking about how bad it was. Bad move, chica.

-The big dramatic twist with ambulance footage and lots of jaws dropping? A lot of hype for nothing (gasp! shocker). Michele falls down the stairs and gets a concussion. One of the other girls astutely notes, “It was so scary. I mean, it could be just 14 girls in the house instead of the 15 we have now.” Wow, 14 instead of 15? Now THAT would throw a wrench in things… Michele calls Brad while he’s on his first group date to tell him about her accident, and he’s like “Oh wow, hope you’re ok, I’ll be thinking about you, ok bye.” Gotta get back to the hot girls in front of me. Then she misses the date she’s supposed to go on (the bikini-fest), gets rushed one-on-one time with Brad when he comes to pick the girls up, and surprise surprise, gets the boot at the next rose ceremony. I didn’t like her stripey hair anyway and Brad doesn’t like older girls. Everybody he got rid of the first night was over 30 or was a student. Michele never had a chance.

-The second group date - also known as Bikini Fest - is called “the sexiest bachelor date ever” by Chris Harrison – enough with the extreme superlatives…we get it...this is a really exciting show.

-“I’m a Christian and I stick to my high morals and values” says Solisa (aka Angelina Jolie) after having Brad do body shots off of her and before stripping off her bikini top and going skinny dipping…classy.

-At the Rose Ceremony, we have the first occurrence of jealous, insecure girl uses her one moment with Brad to trash talk another girl and let him know (for his sake of course) that – dun dun dunnnn – “she’s in it for the wrong reasons.” No, not the dreaded WRONG REASONS! Which have never clearly been explained in all the seasons of The Bachelor - but they are the ace in the hole for giving a girl the heave ho. No one can argue with you for getting rid of a girl who was there for THE WRONG REASONS. What exactly are the RIGHT reasons? Coming on the Bachelor for all the free booze? Trying to score a hot guy you may or may not have anything in common with just because he’s good-looking and successful? Manipulating and conniving to beat out a bunch of other girls and prove you’re better than them? Hmm… I mean, I think Jenni (the "wrong reasons" girl) is a little ditzy, but I don’t think she was trying to “further her modeling career” by bringing her portfolio with her, keeping it tucked away in her suitcase and not showing it to anyone!

-We also have the new standard Divorced Girl again this season. Bettina reveals it a little earlier to the audience than Bevin last season, but she chooses not to reveal her closet skeleton to Brad at this point. Eh, whatever.

-Next week…stay tuned for THE MOST SHOCKING COCKTAIL PARTY EVER, in which Brad sends his "twin" brother (who you can definitely tell apart from him if you have any sense and haven't drank 18 cocktails already) in to the party to try to fool the girls and get the inside scoop. So what are you going to accomplish with this, Brad? If they think he's you, they're going to tell him the same things they would have told you anyway, genius!