Bachelor Brad Highlights from October 1st

Some observations from this week's show:

-The first group date is at a horse race. Brad gives the girls cash to bet because “you can tell a lot about someone by the way they bet.” Sure, especially when it’s 10 bucks and it’s not even their money.

-Brad asks the guy from the San Diego Chargers in the next box (a guy he’s never met) for his impressions of the girls (after meeting them for 2 seconds)…um, that’s really helpful and valid. Definitely base your decision on that.

-McCarten kisses Brad totally randomly and out of left field while he’s mid-sentence talking to her…and he wipes it off and cracks up later talking about how bad it was. Bad move, chica.

-The big dramatic twist with ambulance footage and lots of jaws dropping? A lot of hype for nothing (gasp! shocker). Michele falls down the stairs and gets a concussion. One of the other girls astutely notes, “It was so scary. I mean, it could be just 14 girls in the house instead of the 15 we have now.” Wow, 14 instead of 15? Now THAT would throw a wrench in things… Michele calls Brad while he’s on his first group date to tell him about her accident, and he’s like “Oh wow, hope you’re ok, I’ll be thinking about you, ok bye.” Gotta get back to the hot girls in front of me. Then she misses the date she’s supposed to go on (the bikini-fest), gets rushed one-on-one time with Brad when he comes to pick the girls up, and surprise surprise, gets the boot at the next rose ceremony. I didn’t like her stripey hair anyway and Brad doesn’t like older girls. Everybody he got rid of the first night was over 30 or was a student. Michele never had a chance.

-The second group date - also known as Bikini Fest - is called “the sexiest bachelor date ever” by Chris Harrison – enough with the extreme superlatives…we get it...this is a really exciting show.

-“I’m a Christian and I stick to my high morals and values” says Solisa (aka Angelina Jolie) after having Brad do body shots off of her and before stripping off her bikini top and going skinny dipping…classy.

-At the Rose Ceremony, we have the first occurrence of jealous, insecure girl uses her one moment with Brad to trash talk another girl and let him know (for his sake of course) that – dun dun dunnnn – “she’s in it for the wrong reasons.” No, not the dreaded WRONG REASONS! Which have never clearly been explained in all the seasons of The Bachelor - but they are the ace in the hole for giving a girl the heave ho. No one can argue with you for getting rid of a girl who was there for THE WRONG REASONS. What exactly are the RIGHT reasons? Coming on the Bachelor for all the free booze? Trying to score a hot guy you may or may not have anything in common with just because he’s good-looking and successful? Manipulating and conniving to beat out a bunch of other girls and prove you’re better than them? Hmm… I mean, I think Jenni (the "wrong reasons" girl) is a little ditzy, but I don’t think she was trying to “further her modeling career” by bringing her portfolio with her, keeping it tucked away in her suitcase and not showing it to anyone!

-We also have the new standard Divorced Girl again this season. Bettina reveals it a little earlier to the audience than Bevin last season, but she chooses not to reveal her closet skeleton to Brad at this point. Eh, whatever.

-Next week…stay tuned for THE MOST SHOCKING COCKTAIL PARTY EVER, in which Brad sends his "twin" brother (who you can definitely tell apart from him if you have any sense and haven't drank 18 cocktails already) in to the party to try to fool the girls and get the inside scoop. So what are you going to accomplish with this, Brad? If they think he's you, they're going to tell him the same things they would have told you anyway, genius!